December 13, 2011

• I grabbed the wheel with a purpose. We both died, but now you are alive and
  you will have everything.
  And I am no longer the cripple I was born as.
  I broke my heart without weapons, just my will. I remember hugging the metal to my chest. Solution in my hand, face me. No pressure to the trigger. So I lost my chance to touch resistance.

  no bang

  I've distracted myself so long and so determinedly that I've lost the ability to recognize emotions. I can't follow the ache to its beginning or end. I give up midway out of cowardice. I can't verbalize. I can't express anymore. Breathe or cry. One or the other. My tears make choice, and now you'll never know how I feel. The flightless bird will never fly back up the cliff, but I turned the wheel.

  whoosh

  Who needs flying when you have so far to fall?

  Where I die, gunshots are sighs. If I could just stop the tears and take a breath. Vision fades, the words get lost forever in the pits my stomach, and I abandon the pursuit. If I could speak, if I could just tell you, then it wouldn't be death.

  You've always been the quiet type, and neither of us will ever know. Keep saving me from life. Keep stealing my breath. Take my poetry. Nowhere else, just in the unquantifiable and unnoticeable flashes between your neurons. I don't want to own anything. I don't want to grow. I don't want to exist anywhere but in your memory.

  Heartbreak, heartbreak. I love you. So much. More than anything else in the world. You are the only companion I've ever trusted to last. I can swear by you. I can live by you. I can die by you. You show me how to feel alive. You kill me. I trust you. When I have nothing, I will still have you. You would never leave me, dead or alive.

  I've loved and lost, and it's wonderful. I tricked everyone. I led you to bed, tucked you in, and set us afire. Feast, heartbreak. This is how much I love you.

  • 11:30 pm
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