February 28, 2012
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53 - Body of Retched; 54 - Almost Circle
I squeeze the cough out
like a meaningless pleasantry
how are you? good, and you?
but the pressure is still deep inside,
unrelieved.
And then I found the trick maneuver: heave
and the weight lifts.
The fake retching only expels dry delusion,
but the soaking heaviness can still ride the squeezing wave,
disappearing for a moment before settling down again
to its home where guilt is born, nursed, and harvested.
These nails bother me more.
They're too soft to pierce through this bone deep ache.
They scratch at the same surface to rawness,
never reaching the itch that needs to be dug out.
If I could just remove these useless nuisances
and not have to call this pale, tender leather mine.
Something has to break
before I start snapping off these caresses saturated with poisoned nerves
finger by finger,
limb by limb.
It's my millionth circle.
Rounded, complete, perfect.
Circle circle circles
circle circle lies.
Each point on a circle is equidistant from the center,
but mine are all imperfect,
from the first to the millionth,
so actually, I have no circles,
just shapes
pretending.
Comments (3)
"The fake retching only expels dry delusion," I'm in love with this line. It's vivid, it's unique, and it screams originality.
You are one of my absolute favorite Xanga writers. Hands down.
@MyHomeIsWriting - That is an incredible complement I don't feel worthy of at all accepting from you. Thank you. I am grateful beyond words for such a validation and simultaneously fearful of failing your high esteem.
@jzrocker - As long as you keep writing, you'll never fail. That's the beauty of it -- only your standards are the ones that really matter, because at the end of the day, if you aren't happy with your own writing, then you've failed yourself, but if you are happy, then you've succeeded.
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