To be discreet:
Add sugar. Lots of it.
Swallow.
If words regurgitate into mouth, add more sugar and reswallow.
Should the slightest dribble pass through lips,
punish by punching out teeth.
String up pearly whites into necklace if desired.
Enjoy benefits of privacy.

I have heard
that wounds heal on their own
where fingers do not dig
searching for depth.
This belief baffles those, who like me,
believe in breadth.
Widen the narrow.
Enter all openings.
Deepen every color.
Turn a stain into art--grass into garnish.
Tunnel deep enough and you'll find yourself
weightless, feet planted on the ceiling,
in China.
With the tiniest bit of effort, pull,
and we can make more,
make it last longer,
forever.

Sights before me scare me.

Facts behind me haunt me.

I have no present when I can see no future.

Footholds used to be my forte.
I had a grip,
scaled the heights,
held refuge in my grasp.
Moss likes footholds too
and always comes in time.
Soft, short,
and slippery.
When there is surface for moss to mount,
a climbing girl in search
will always lose to time.
Love is life,
but gravity is law.
Fate told growth to kindly wait
so that I may watch my footholds disappear
only after reaching the top.

Rhymetime here we go...

Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl who liked to play games.
She had no shame, liked to tease and inflame, but he loved her all the same.
He fed her addiction, feeding her beliefs of conviction,
But she was smart and knew the end to every start.
They were but characters in a classic fiction.
First he adores, but he will soon bore.
First he endures, but he will grow unsure.
First she revels in playing the devil,
Then she'll fall too far below his level.
Then she'll miss him in bitter reminisce.
Of course her prediction eventually came to fruition.
She grew up one step too late
Behind the boy whose feelings began to abate.
As soon as the stakes changed out of her favor,
Fate decided to play the saboteur.
All she wanted to know was is it too late?
Was it possible to recreate what she did forsake?
The boy and the girl headed towards heartache.
It was no one's mistake.
Eventually, growth must be repotted or break.
On his ladder of achievements, she was his widest step.
In her history of discontent, he was her biggest regret.
They now think back to the days
When they swam to love's greatest depth
But one of them hasn't dried off yet.
She likes to practice their duet,
Every day like a reflex,
a muscle memory she can't forget.
The end.

My secret left shoe

doesn't come looking for me.

It waits beneath my bed,

waiting while I sleep

to slip under an arch,

to slide across a curve

in a delicious fit.

Meanwhile, I dream

of dancing in a shoe

and remember the danger

of its exhilarating height

throwing every step off balance

and catching each fall in just the right way.

I can wish and I can love

but the sidewalks don't welcome me with

only my dear left shoe,

and I refuse to sit out.

So it's put away

for me to adore

for me to feel on occasion

but never for me to walk.

There were moments when I claimed to see the smoke
and we imagined elephants and babies and greek letters in its clouds.
But, I always doubted
doubted this concept of romantics.
Unfortunately for fans of love,
evidence likes to snooze,
jolting me awake every time I start falling...
but I cling to those moments I forget
forget that I'm oversleeping on borrowed time
and just drink in the delight of dancing smoke.
I'll just snooze and hide the evidence
because oversleeping is
immature, illogical, irresponsible
irresponsible,
but forgivable.

something hurts, is sore,
close but not enough
to break what's cracked

I'm looking at myself
through a glass wall
can't tell
who is on the "other" side

closer and closer
it's clear and looks cold
now just waiting
to break,

break,

break!

hurry the defensive reflex
trigger
like a finger reaching
to spew out the nasty

leave me pure,
clean for sleep

--caffeine and finals induced madness >_< Caffeine isn't doing it for me anymore. Anyone have advice on cocaine?

So last night I threw up after a ginormous dinner and then my stomach started hurting like crazy and then the pain spread throughout my body, so I swallowed 2 antacid pills in hopes of making the hurt go away, but instead, the damn pills got caught in my throat and bothered me until I swallowed some raw oatmeal to push it down. I fell asleep sometime around 2am and dreamed about being sick and feeling terrible and not being able to breathe and woke up at 5am, pretty damn sure I have a fever, so I rack my drawers for the thermometer that turns out to be broken and swallow 2 tylenol pills that also happen to be expired. It's 5:30 and I can't fall sleep because I'm physically miserable so I go to CVS to buy some orange juice and tylenol except they have just remodeled the place and they only have the CVS brand of pain relievers. I walk back towards my dorm except I get these dizzy spells as I'm walking, especially when I think about how I have class today and finals in two days, and I notice that this is the 3rd crow I've seen so far this morning and they must be after my carcass. I can't make it to my dorm and I have to stop at Collis to sit for a while except the building is not open at this hour and I have to sit on these cold metal chairs and I drink my orange juice and open the bottle of vitamin C. The seal is broken and I'm not supposed to eat it if the seal is broken but I am not going to go all the way back to CVS to get another bottle of vitamin C so I eat the possibly poisoned vitamins and drink half the carton of orange juice and it tastes so good. I feel a lot better after drinking that juice and possibly poisoning myself, but the dizzy spells are still there and I'm pretty sure I'm not hallucinating that crow again. Can I drink caffeine when I'm sick like this? I don't think I can not drink caffeine if I want to make it to my lecture way across campus. God, I'm not going to make it through the day. Why now of all days? I ate so much fruit and I exercised every day last week, why now? I hope I didn't get anyone else sick. Never mind, I hope every one else gets sick too because it's not fair I can't get into med school because my gpa sucks but maybe that's just karma yeah I deserve it. I've always wanted to hallucinate. Gawd!

True story.

Fire.

 Yes?

Fire.

 So?

Fire.

 And?

Inside me.

 Easy--extinguish it.

I don't wear belts, carry change,

and I take off my shoes.

I can't take off the fire

that sets off the alarm.

 So take off something else.

It answers questions.

It asks new ones.

It alerts security.

Me? Fire?

 Liar.

It's untouchable.

It's unseeable.

It's unspeakable.

It's unimaginable.

Never silent

Fire

like gluttony of the body

is a sin of the mind.

 And?

When I find the arsonist,

I will kiss him,

thank him,

show him how hot fire has made me,

then eat him and let him burn.